Social worker/counselor, education and sport as a background.
What protective clothing do you need when you are in the eye of the storm? Being in the centre of the
storm is not good well being. It's ok not to be positive all of the time. You can't always be strong all of the time ‘kia kaha’ for instance, sometimes it is ok to be vulnerable. Can't always ‘leave it at the door’. As adults we don't always leave it at the door, so why are we expecting it consistently from our young people who are growing and changing? “Learn how to dance in the storm”. When things are tough do we have the tools to manage it?
storm is not good well being. It's ok not to be positive all of the time. You can't always be strong all of the time ‘kia kaha’ for instance, sometimes it is ok to be vulnerable. Can't always ‘leave it at the door’. As adults we don't always leave it at the door, so why are we expecting it consistently from our young people who are growing and changing? “Learn how to dance in the storm”. When things are tough do we have the tools to manage it?
Managing your reactions rather than your circumstances.
If we don't look after ourselves generally our reaction is not what it should be. We become the storm
rather than just being inside the eye of the storm.
rather than just being inside the eye of the storm.
It’s not about being happy all of the time, but it's about having the tools to deal with things when its not.
Ratio of positive vs negative emotions
Engaged and focused
Strong positive relationships - not over the internet - we are feeding the beast at the moment.
A sense of meaning and life purpose - why do you teach? If you don't love it anymore do something else. Sense of accomplishment
Eat, sleep, move.
PERMA - Seligman's theory of wellbeing
What determines happiness - 50% genetics/nurture, 10% external circumstances, 40% actions and
thoughts.
thoughts.
18-month window - lose a limb, win the lotto - you will go back to your prior state of being within 18
months regardless of the change. We chase the wrong stuff.
months regardless of the change. We chase the wrong stuff.
There is not a bad or good emotion, there are just emotions but how do you bring the top ten positive
emotions into our lives? (Fredrickson, 2009).
emotions into our lives? (Fredrickson, 2009).
If you have had that day that has really challenged you, how do you remember gratitude when you go
home?
home?
The negative stuff is always going to be there - we all have a negative bias. Combatting this. Kids are
great observers, but terrible interpreters. If you feel safe, you engage. Same with students.
great observers, but terrible interpreters. If you feel safe, you engage. Same with students.
- 3 a day, 3 times a week, 3 a month, 1 a year. Well-being.
What gives you:
Joy
Gratitude
Serenity
Inspiration
Hope
Love
Awe
Amusement
Interest
pride
Praise and critique the process not the outcome. If grades were the most important thing, there would
be no such thing as job interviews. Reward the stuff we want from our young people.
be no such thing as job interviews. Reward the stuff we want from our young people.
We have got to stop educating kids to do jobs that robots can do. The airy fairy stuff is what we need to
look at.
look at.
The average time a father communicates with his child is 4 and a half minutes! If that is the average,
there are 50% kids who are not getting even that. Devices get in the way, adults are often distracted.
there are 50% kids who are not getting even that. Devices get in the way, adults are often distracted.
Have a goal, a five-year plan. Even if you don't get to it apparently research is that planning around it
will improve your well being.
will improve your well being.
Intentional activities are the key to happiness. Playtime and downtime - both are intentional activities.
Downtime should be ‘nothing’ time. Legitimately so.
Downtime should be ‘nothing’ time. Legitimately so.
“Time in” as opposed to time out. Mindfulness being aware. Being present. Paying attention. Gratitude
and compassion. Non-judgemental. It's impossible to be present all the time but we need to be aware
of where we are - focussed on the past anxious about the future, or in the present? Making sure it's not
too far either way. But focus on making the NOW part bigger. It is usually very small.
and compassion. Non-judgemental. It's impossible to be present all the time but we need to be aware
of where we are - focussed on the past anxious about the future, or in the present? Making sure it's not
too far either way. But focus on making the NOW part bigger. It is usually very small.
The more awareness one can bring to bear on any action, the more feedback one gets from the
experience. And the more naturally one learns and is able to respond.
experience. And the more naturally one learns and is able to respond.
“Flip your lid” visual metaphor for when you are in red brain mode (flight, fight, freeze). Bring the lid
back down is green brain mode (logic and reasoning).
back down is green brain mode (logic and reasoning).
What allows us to focus? Quiet? Order? Often disconnecting does allow us to focus. We cannot
multitask properly, even when we think we can. Making lists helps. Having an ordered space helps.
multitask properly, even when we think we can. Making lists helps. Having an ordered space helps.
You have got to treat technology like any other drug; have rules around it. What are your rules around
it around your kids? What are they seeing you doing? There is no research that says using your phone
improves your brain.
it around your kids? What are they seeing you doing? There is no research that says using your phone
improves your brain.
We get 1/24th of the relational time that we used to as hunter-gatherer societies.
Loneliness is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
We teach perfection and we create anxiety in doing so. We ignore real engagement.
Every day make a choice to create some positive emotions.
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